I didn’t think in the beginning that my first entry for the new year is going to be about my Dad.

Not before when God called him back to His side on the 19th of December 2008. Not even until now.

But it has to be and it needs to be.

There are many things about him I took for granted...

Like how I usually didn’t acknowledge him when I returned home each day..

How I couldn’t comprehend when he complained of the pain hurting his body..

How I missed going out for breakfasts with Mom and him during weekends just so I could sleep more..

How I fail to make an effort to have a conversation with him, to know how he had been doing at home all day while we were at work..

How I and the rest always thought he wouldn’t be called home to the Lord so soon because he looked so strong and active, unlike other victims of cancer..

How he angrily defended us when we were misunderstood by our aunties we hardly met up with..

How I always nagged at him when he spent on 4Ds and horse race betting...

How he would call while I was at work, just to let me know what he had cooked for dinner so that I knew I had something to eat when I got home..

How he would purposely sing loudly like he was yelling off tune..

How he would drive me to the pets groomer’s with Joseph to get his nails trimmed..

How the four of us would dine out for dinners during weekends with him driving the car to those eating places..

And when he returned to the Lord in heaven that day, I know I’m going to be missing these things for the rest of my life.

It is so difficult to cope whenever I see his stuff lying at some parts of the house which now seems quieter without him. And how all memories of him will come at the sight of his stuff.
But somehow, Sis and I are managing to move on with our lives, at least on the outside so that Mum can carry on with hers as soon as possible.

That strength and faith to move on comes not from us, but from the reassuring fact that Dad is now in a so much better place than here. In heaven singing with the angels and looking down at us, smiling.

On that day when he left, Mum asked him who was lying in the A&E ward whether he is afraid. He said no, because he knows that the Lord is waiting for him at the other side. I was tearing nonstop when I saw him struggling in pain for his life in the hospital that day. When I went back into the room again after the doctors said they have tried their best, I saw him lying on the bed, lifeless and turning cold, his shut eyes never opening again. Yet the peacefulness on his face was something I had not seen for months... and then I knew it was time for him to go to a better place where he didn’t have to suffer the pain anymore. He had to leave us behind because he had go.

Perhaps time will erase the pain in our hearts, the hurt of not getting to see him again for as long as we shall live. But I think time will shows its healing effect some day...

And I love you, Dad.

I should have said it earlier but I didn’t because of some silly pride.