Instead of pursuing possessions, pursue peace, justice and love.
 Instead of buying things, build relationships.
 Instead of seeking more money, seek to minister to those around you.
 You won't believe the difference that kind of life will make.


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Thursday, March 31, 2005
3/31/2005 12:41:00 AM

To: A friend

With regards to your same query, yes, I am really doing very fine now and life is generally going the way I want.

I sincerely appreciate your concern towards me but please don’t ask me how am I every time you see me online because it sort of whacks me up to face the harsh reality (which means I have to leave my fantasy). Really, I am doing very well, as least I think I am fine. In return, I hope you are doing well too and may joy fill your life. Smile always yeah.

When you asked why didn’t I put ‘meeting up my with my friends’ under the list of my goals for this vacations, I feel guilty. This ‘meeting up with my friends’ thingy just unintentionally slipped off my mind but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to meet you guys up. LOL. Hey, it has been a long time since the LYSS days and yeah.. Life just simply isn’t the same for everyone of us. We are heading towards different destinations and to make things worse, we seem to be traveling in opposite directions.

But despite my ramblings, I want to let you know I truly appreciate your concern and I value our friendship more than anything else. I might have lost trust in friendships but definitely not this one that has blossomed during my secondary school days. It is a gift from God and I won’t be that silly to dump it, nor will I take it for granted. I hope the rest of them feel the same too. All of us… we have known each other since secondary one, and some ever earlier..

May God bless you abundantly and take care.

Till then, keep in touch and I really hope to see you soon.

Will keep you in my prayers for you are the one of the greatest, cutest and best friends that God has sent me.

Thanks a lot for being part of my life. =)

Regards,
Emilyn aka ZaiZai, member of the F4 gang of the infamous Loyang Secondary School pathetically ruled by Damo and LuLu cum wretchedly 'polluted' by as*hole Azman but heng heng was once saved by William Tan who sadly left the school in 1999 and put it under the care of a new principal whose name I forgot who left barely a year later and passed the position to Old Mrs.Lu thus bringing the students to endless sufferings... but life moves on...

... seen through it and moved on.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005
3/29/2005 01:15:00 AM

There are certain songs that touched our hearts.

It makes us want to listen to it over and over again, because these songs tend to bring out all our emotions. This music just has the magical ability to represent the vulnerable side of us.

Then, there are certain people that touched our hearts.

They understand us better then we ourselves do. They make us want to rely on them and count on them to keep us safe.

They make the world go round and they fulfill our wildest dreams.

It seems like with them around, everything is possible.

Problem is, not everyone is that fortunate enough to be able to find such a person.

Or rather, a soul mate.

... seen through it and moved on.

Monday, March 28, 2005
3/28/2005 01:39:00 AM

I realized I have never learnt enough in my life. Learning is a never-ending process. Take for instant when I graduated (which is in less than 1 year’s time) and enter the society to work, I feel that I am still so inexperienced. Those things learnt since primary school seemed so detached from a working life.

How will I mange possible conflicts?

How will I remain positive in the society?

How do I prevent myself from getting bullied?

How do I go about fighting for my own rights?

How do I get acquainted with my colleagues?

Get what I mean? There are so many things to pick up that those education received from schools seem so unnecessary.

.*.

This vacation break, I actually plan to do many constructive things. Let's see how much I am able to complete by the end of the vacation:

1. Finish reading ‘Order of the Phoenix’
2. Finish reading ‘Blue Dahlia’
3. Finish writing ‘Sweetest Affections’
4. Finish writing ‘Forever Came Today’
5. Tidy, dust and clean my room.
6. Come up with a new EG fic
7. Watch ‘Ai Qing Mo Jie’ VCD
8. Watch ‘House of fury’ movie
9. Buy Sly’s album
10. Buy twins’s ‘Girl Power’
11. Make a trip to ‘Kinokuniya’ for a mini ‘book-tour’
12. Watch LOTR again and try my very best to fully understand what the story means (movie’s not bad actually… like the sceneries and fighting scenes.)
13. Catch up with those detective comics I have been missing out
14. Kill all mosquitoes!

... seen through it and moved on.

Sunday, March 27, 2005
3/27/2005 01:10:00 PM

Its featuring twins now!!

LOL :)

... seen through it and moved on.

Friday, March 25, 2005
3/25/2005 11:39:00 PM

TMD.

One paper to go.. Hang on there…

Just one more paper to ‘kill’ in less than 12 hours’ time.

One more… and the cage will open and I can fly out…

Hang on there…

This exam thingy is so TMD irritating.

So TMD KNS.

... seen through it and moved on.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005
3/23/2005 04:25:00 PM

When was the last time I actually played the same CD in my player over and over again without getting sick?

I can't remember but Twins debut mandrin album has just made me done that for the past few days. In the midst of the stressful exams, I felt somewhat jovial after listening to their songs.

Haha do grab a copy!! Strongly recommended!! :) And know what? Its barely a week since their album release but they already rank No.4 in the RIAS chart!!



All 10 songs are nice and very upbeat. Radio-friendly. Esp enjoy track 1,2,3,6,7,8 and 10.

... seen through it and moved on.

Sunday, March 20, 2005
3/20/2005 08:51:00 PM

Ooh man this is wrong… The company’s marketing twins to the Taiwan market in a way they were first introduced in Hong Kong 4 years ago. I mean, people do change as they grow and you can’t just tell them to play naïve and cute again for the sake of letting the new (Taiwan) market know them from the scratch.

Anyway, this is NOT the point I’m driving at.

Twins’ debut mandarin album is sort of great… radio friendly I must say.. Brings back memories of school days … Due to their not-so-good mandarin, I think they did only fairly well.. But considering it as a first attempt, its not bad. Well, what I’m trying to say using this example is that one might not be the best but at least, he improves along the way.

For some really anonymous reasons, I do feel a little better today after listening to their songs. Finally REALLY push myself real hard to revise and understand my work. Brain-fused. The gloominess is dying away bit by bit but I’m worried after saying this, it would come back again... It’s always like that. It is like you hang your clothes under the hot sun and the next thing before you know, you see raindrops again falling down from the ‘suddenly very dark’ sky.

The ‘High On Life’ show last night sort of rocks. Really miss the ‘Singapore Idol’ days… Taufik’s such a slick dancer but hey, Sly ain’t bad either but… …er hem… his new haircut looks kind of detached from his whole image… Applied too much gel too…

I don’t know what’s the freaking problem with people these days… I was visiting those forums last night and chanced upon lots of swearing, vulgarities, criticisms and personal attacks.. WTH… these people are acting like they ain’t got no parents. Then they still have the bloody cheek to argue it’s a forum so they are free to voice out their opinions.

So I see… you consider launching personal attacks at someone a personal opinion?

Have a sudden rush of inspirations for stories. But no no.. gotta restrain myself from writing.. it’s the exams period so, it is only right I do nothing else but study, study and study.

Then what’s next? It’s always like that. Those inspirations will be gone like the wind when exams are over.

... seen through it and moved on.

3/20/2005 12:22:00 AM

Study week.

Sigh.

It’s so depressing. It is the week to revise and prepare for the (grand) exams. Playing and shutting off from books during this time is a guilty thing to do . But the sight of books makes my mind spin. I hate studying accounts. Feel like crying at the sight of numbers and calculations. With so many unhappy events, how can I concentrate?

Know what? To me, studying accounting is just like staring at a mysterious script. You need to stare, stare and stare for an extremely long time in order to be enlightened. So far, I’m ashamedly only 25% enlightened. I think a Buddha script is easier to understand.

Never have I feel so dull and bleak… It has never been like that since ages. Even those inspirational songs fail to motivate me… I tried listening to music that can cheer me up but still, I feel so detached... When I closed my eyes, its all sad images I see. When I’m awake, its those ‘frightening’ lecture notes that greeted me. Even the computer and my favorite stuffs cannot tempt me much.

Last time at the most I would be feeling grumpy. But to the extend of feeling hopeless, this is the first time in weeks its happening to me.

The ‘Incredibles’ VCD my father rented did brighten up my mood a little. I think the cartoon is very stress relieving as I couldn’t stop laughing. But what I need to stop myself from gloominess is something much more than that.

Sometimes I just feel there are tons of things which my small mind is unable to absorb but I must keep myself going.

I wish that God can give me not only the courage to move on. In addition, I hope he would give me the strength to cry… I need tears to let out my emotion… It’s a terrible feeling to feel no tears when you are cheerless.

This is indeed an endless race. I can’t see the finishing line. Neither can I return to the starting point, because I can’t see it either.

... seen through it and moved on.

Thursday, March 17, 2005
3/17/2005 10:59:00 PM

After popping by some blogs of my friends, I keep on thinking, and thinking… and thinking... Before I get lost in my thoughts, I ought to pen them down.

Friends around me - Some of them are lost in their relationships. Some of them are in doubt of their other half. Some of them are wishing and hoping they would find someone they can rely on and confide to.

Its just pathetically ‘amazing’. I mean, out of billions and billions of people, why is it so difficult to find someone that’s meant for you? Is the time not ripe? Or is it because God wants you to take on the longer route?

We envy those in relationships. At the same time, we empathize those that get hurt in the process of love.

Sometimes our yearnings to love and be loved can’t simply be expressed, even by songs. Perhaps a piece of love song can evoke emotions in us. But it cannot put across every little thing we are currently experiencing.

We laugh, we joke and we present our happy side in front of the crowd. But that doesn’t mean we feel no misery. We hide our grief with a smile. Then when we are alone in our room, tears fall. However, the greatest pain of all would be having to put on a joyful and cool front in front of that someone who makes your heart flutter. The sad thing is, he doesn’t even know he is the one that can set butterflies in your stomach.

People who don’t know us formulate ill comments about us and they spread it to the rest like venom. They only know our ‘surface’ and based on that, they form negative perceptions. We have the irresistible urge to ask - why can’t they take the initiative to enter our world? Their words hurt our pride. Their comments sting our hearts. They make our days depressing. Still, we need to take things at our stride and move on. As we move on, we hold onto the belief that time will prove everything.

This is just like love. Fret not when love fails to come knocking at your door. You can’t seek love. All you can do is let love itself find you. If things are meant to be, fate will tie the both of you together. Or perhaps if not, it means there’s someone better out there still searching for you. Time will eventually show you the path and lead you to that castle where you and him live happily ever after.

To my dear friends (you know who you are),

If you are reading this now, bear in mind. Don’t cry because you can’t find him. Don’t sulk because you are still alone. When you learn to love yourself, things are sure to be going for the better. The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren’t paying attention to before. Thus, never be afraid to make mistakes, because we learn from our mistakes.

The cupid is the one that chooses the next person to shoot the love arrow at. Meanwhile as you wait for your turn, it is your choice to lead a happy or a grumbling life.

There comes a time in every life we find the heart we are looking for.

... seen through it and moved on.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005
3/15/2005 10:34:00 AM

OH NO!

Exams are round the corner!

And look what we’ve here? A lazy bum that still have the mood for blogs.

And look what we’ve got there? Another lazy bum prying into the blog of this lazy bum!

Yes yes, its you **points at the person looking at the blog entry now**. Stop looking elsewhere its you! What do you think you’re doing? You should be studying for the exams or minding your own business LOL.

Hey hey, before I piss you off, do remember to buy a copy of this week’s 8-days.

Not to forget, all the best for your exams.

If you have no exams, perhaps you can go fly some kites or catch guppies at the monsoon river.

EXAMS!!

WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! **screams like the Sly in ‘I don’t wanna miss a thing’**

... seen through it and moved on.

Monday, March 14, 2005
3/14/2005 11:26:00 PM

Cool.. imagine if a guy were to sing you this song.. how cool and sweet can it get? This songs has been in my mind all day long I just have to post the lyrics. Haha I'm dreaming again.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

I Swear
(Frank J. Myers/Gary Baker)

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
But you can be sure I know my part
'Cause I'll stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I'll make mistakes
I'll never break your heart

I swear
By the moon and stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear
Like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear

I'll give you everything I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the wall
And when there's silver in your hair
You won't have to ask if I still care
'Cause as time turns the page
My love won't age at all

I swear
By the moon and stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear
Like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear

I swear
By the moon and stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear
Like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear
I swear

... seen through it and moved on.

Sunday, March 13, 2005
3/13/2005 12:36:00 PM

I LOVE ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’!! Its such a magical movie!! Its a wonder to have a castle that can travel to different time line and brings you to different kinds of places. I think the anime rocks and I love the sceneries and background music. Its gives people a calm and serene feeling, like I have the urge to step into the picture. Its simply more than just a cartoon.

Here’s a brief synopsis of the movie:
‘An eighteen-year-old girl, Sophie, who helps out at her late father's hat shop in the boring town of Market Chipping, is transformed one day by the evil Witch of the Waste into an old woman. Determined to get turned back to her normal self, Sophie seeks out the help of the Wizard Howl, who has an amazing moving castle (which looks a bit like a giant robot), which is fueled by a fire demon named Calcifer.’

Somehow after watching the movie, I didn’t regret not making the choice to watch ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’. Because seriously, Howl’s moving castle was great, much much much better than I think!

Howl is so charming and chivalrous! But besides him, the little bog and that dog with chicken feet (as named by Joyce and Veron) are cute too!! Haha and it’s a strange combination yesterday. I mean, I watched the movie with Siew wen, Joyce, Veron and other three of their ‘boy’friends who I don’t even know. Haha. But overall, it’s a nice outing and I have a good time.

... seen through it and moved on.

Saturday, March 12, 2005
3/12/2005 02:34:00 PM

Exactly 45 minutes to go before I get ready to meet my friends. Here am I, with nothing better to do and all thanks to the creator of blogger, at least I have got something to do to kill time.

Just got home from lunch with Shikin and while going to cross the traffic light near TM, I saw a familiar looking well-dressed plump lady. Even though I was some distance apart from her, I immediately knew who she was. I am sure my friends like Celine and Huimin must have known her too. In Tampines area, this small eyes lady was famous for asking money from passer-bys even though she is healthy and in a good condition to work for herself. She would say things like her mother or whoever is sick and in need of money for doctor or she was hungry and haven’t had food for days etc etc.

So this was what happened, she was abruptly stopping those passer-bys and begging for money but many shunned off before she could even ask more. I was freaked off and took out my phone, pretending to make a call. Alas! She ‘caught’ me spot on and stopped me. “Miss! Miss! Excuse me!” she said in an aggressive yet ‘kan cheong’ manner. Nervous but acting calm I just shook my head and walked to join the crowd of traffic.

It makes me think. That lady has always been doing this since I was a kid. I remembered seeing her doing that many times and I guess those who lived nearby must be familiar with her. I recalled her asking 50 cents from me during my primary school times while I was going to cross that traffic.

Then that makes me recall of another lady living nearby my area whom we addressed as ‘The Mad Woman’. Really, the mad woman was one of the worse things that ever happened in my life of encounters with strangers. She was a lady in her late fifties with messy long grey hair (think old Sadako) and often scolding passer-bys for no reasons. Its like if you refused to follow her instaurations or talk to her when she asks you questions, she would curse you and make all sorts of evil comments.

Sway! When I was sec one, I kana it from her. Huilin and I were walking on grass, on our way to the MRT station for school and this mad woman saw it so she was cursing us and scolding us for walking on grass and offending the spirits (but it wasn’t the Hungry Ghost Festival that time!) .Damned! I recalled I nearly pee in my skirt that time! I was so nervous to feel scared.

... seen through it and moved on.

Friday, March 11, 2005
3/11/2005 11:05:00 PM

Source: somewhere on the internet

Over the past 48 hours, a tearful Maia Lee has been through a rollercoaster of emotions.

Anger. Frustrations.Disappointment. Pain

Not surprising, since her romance with Singapore Idol runner-up Sylvester Sim has also been a rollercoaster ride.

She told me in an exclusive interview: "We're like Romeo and Juilet - maybe we're not meant to be."
Not that she's contemplating killing herself over love, but that their relationship had been star-crossed since they met as rivals on Singapore Idol.
And now, registration and regret over marriage to Sylvester Sim that could been - but wasn't meant to be.

After months of acting coy about being together, they had quietly gone to ROM to apply for a marriage licence on Mar 2.

Then just as the media was tipped off about their wedding plans came another bombshell: Sylvester was pulling out, describing their applicationl as "an act of impulse"

Said Maia yesterday: "My mind's a blank. I feel lost."

"A friend is getting married today, so you can imagine how sad i am. But since Sly's so cool about it. i should also appear cool."

Yes but they werent supposed to be a couple.

They were so secretive about their marriage plans that not even their family members or friends knew about it.

Even Sly's record label, Sony BMG and his management company, Artise Networks, did not know, claims Maia.

But, instead of becoming man and wife, they broke up.

2 nights ago, Sylvester and Maia dramatically ended their relationship - over the phone, no less, as he is in Taipei shooting his album cover and publicity shoots.

Then he issued a statement to the media that he was not avaliable for interviews, but didnt allude to the break-up.

The 22-year-old singer said: What I did was an act of impulse. At a moment of weakness i submmited a marriage application. i realised soon after that i made an extremely rash decision. i was naive to have thought that i was ready for such a commitment.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.

WTH?

... seen through it and moved on.

3/11/2005 11:06:00 AM

Tagboard. Tagboard.

What is the fu*king problem with tagboard these days?

Maybe after I posted this entry, the tagboard will be okay?

Last afternoon was the last lesson of creative writing and it was so God damn shit. Everyone have to read aloud the whole story of their work to the class. Yes, read ALOUD. I felt like a moron reading out my work, word by word in front of people who weren’t listening at all! But I’m so glad its all over now.

Can’t seem to get to sleep these few days. For some stupid reasons that I don’t know, the whole house seems so creepy when the lights are off. Its like I would be the only one awake, hearing noises out of nowhere. My friends told me that the sound of marbles hitting on our ceiling represents the communication of genies. Was damned freaked out cos I just heard the sound of marbles a few days ago - moreover during late night.

For instance yesterday, it was worst. I was totally exhausted but just couldn’t sleep at all and the stillness of the house gave me creeps. A little prayer did help - a little. I had to play songs in my player to ward off any ‘eeriness’. To be truth, ever after since that kns Ju-On movie, I have been sleeping with my lights on at night. I got scared the moment I off the lights and see darkness. Have no idea why but I’m so afraid of the dark whenever I am alone and sometimes, I feel like crying. It’s like I can sense a pair of eyes (maybe even more) watching me. It is a fear that has been bothering me from peaceful sleeps.

I guess its most probably just me. Damn. Its so hard to over come this physiological problem.

I think everyone has fears. An unfortunately, my type of fear is that thing. Eeks.

If I could turn back time, I would never step into the cinema to watch Ju-On. Never. To some of you, you might think I’m useless or whatever. But its not my choice to choose my factor of fear.

... seen through it and moved on.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005
3/08/2005 04:56:00 PM

Okay, so this is what I think.

Some people like arguing. No ..no **wriggles finger**. They LOVE arguing. Aruging becomes a strong passion in their life they just can’t shut their mouth and stop it from rebuking. To them, arguing is like breathing. They cannot live without it.

These people love what? - ARGUE, ARGUE AND ARGUE.

But hey, if you are reading this post and you happen to be someone who actively takes part in arguments and heavy debates, beware.

Here are some tips I would like to enlighten you with.

When you want to argue, think first, if you are being reasonable with the point you are trying to prove.

But bloodily pathetically, most of these ‘arguers’ will fail to see the point if they are reasonable or not. Bloody damnly damn sad to say, on most occasions, you are being irrational.

Forget this point, I bet you won’t understand.

Then now, I will just leave you with this simple advice:

When you argue, do that professionally, instead of sounding like a loser.

But what can I say?

All LOSERS argue.

Heng ar, I have friends that don’t argue without thinking.

Or I will HANG the clothes, play HANGman, and HANG myself after that.

Duh.

... seen through it and moved on.

Saturday, March 05, 2005
3/05/2005 10:40:00 PM

At the beginning, I was a little nervous when I was told the tuition assignment will be tutoring a Primary One kid. It seems easy but then, when explaining things to a 6 years old, everything must be in PLAIN ENGLISH. But looking things at another perspective, it is challenging.

So this is how the story goes. On the first day of tuition, I was LOST. I mean, the unit number of the student’s address that the agency gave me doesn’t exists at all Like a lost sheep, I wandered around the storey like a sotong, climbing up and down the stairs again and again. Still, Unit #11-176 was nowhere in sight. I mean, its 175, then 177. There is no 176 at all! In the end after failing to contact the agent, I left the place with feelings of disappointment and creepiness. Eeks. Goosebumps. How could they give me an address that doesn’t exits at all? **thinks of Ju-On, Wishing Stairs, Room 13 yada yada yada… **

So now I see, its #11-179. I finally got to see my student on Friday night. He is so cute!! He’s so and small size, wearing glasses that seems a little too big for him. His name’s Shawn. LOL. Was teaching him addition and subtraction within 10 and I was amused at the way he counted the numbers with his ten fingers. It reminds me of the primary 1 me counting with my fingers. Haha! In future when it comes to 20, I’m sure he would use his toes.

I could still remember I ask him - “Did your parents buy you any assessment books?”

Then this was how he replied with that lost look - “What is assessment?”

LOL.

Then I remembered, I’m no more teaching a Primary 4 kid. I am now tutoring a Primary 1 child. So when I explain any stuffs, I must do it slowly and express my words in a simple way for him to understand.

I was surprised when he told me he has a girlfriend in class. LOL. Kids nowadays are maturing!! ^^,

Children are so cute and innocent. =)

... seen through it and moved on.