> Shrouded in darkness;

~~Tuesday, October 17, 2006~~

10/17/2006 08:37:00 AM

I looked up at the sky that is filled with haze.
In everything, give thanks to God.
Thank God, it’s not you’ve thrown us in a maze

I reported to work one morning, feeling dull and gray.
In everything, give thanks to God.
Thank God, this feeling doesn’t come by everyday.

I reluctantly bided farewell to my boss who is nice to all.
In everything, give thanks to God.
Thank God, the new boss that came didn’t make us gall.

I got frustrated when I couldn’t get the drafting right.
In everything, give thanks to God.
Thank God, the hours of practice moulds my might.

I wondered why I could no longer slack
In everything, give thanks to God.
Thank God, you showed me the skills I lack.

I pondered why I can never ever earn enough.
In every thing, give thanks to God.
Thank God, you made me get over it with a laugh.

I hated those that dominate my stage.
In everything, give thanks to God.
Thank God, I can practice control of my rage

I disliked the thought of doing things alone.
In everything, give thanks to God.
Thank God, I have the independence to act my own.

... seen through it and moved on.

~~Thursday, October 12, 2006~~

10/12/2006 09:09:00 AM

I am wondering if this is the kind of life that I wish to pursue as a career. I chose to venture into the legal line (because I couldn’t decide what I wanted), for a start as law student in polytechnic, and then now, as a paralegal. As I moved towards what I want (though presently I am handicapped – have to paused my journey towards that degree), questions like “Are you sure this is what you really want?”, “No regrets?”, “What if you can’t get it?”, “Why waste your time on something which you are unsure of?” keep flashing into my mind.

Nevertheless, I have to make a promise to myself that the questions above are not going to stop me from moving on. Even if in the end I don’t see the result or the world I imagine, at least the journey is completed. Full stop.

Like many of my friends, my life is crammed with trials after trials. Just when I thought I could finally work and start saving for my future studies, my father was diagnosed with cancer, and I have not saved a penny since the past 5 months when I started working. Yet I thanked God that this crisis has brought my family closer and made us stronger and better people.

In the past when I prayed, I asked for many things, mostly shallow stuffs and at times, childish. Now, all I asked from God is peace and health for all. When I demand less, I am much happier than I used to be.

Whatever that lies ahead in my future is bleak and anonymous. I have no maps for the destination. I have no compass for the directions. The only thing I have is a torchlight, which shines my path such that even though I’m lost, I won’t walk in the darkness. To my dear friends and whom it may concern, we are on the same boat but each of us has that torchlight. Don’t ever think that you don’t own one. Search deep within your pockets, your bags, your wardrobe, your bookshelves and yourself.

And the torchlight is just there, within your reach. Use it wisely.

... seen through it and moved on.

~~Tuesday, October 10, 2006~~

10/10/2006 08:43:00 AM

Some people in this world are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.

I hardly forget how a face looks like but for some people, I will be more than happy to make an exception.

I figured out that the best thing to say to your enemies will be:-

"Jesus loves you, even though you are an asshole."

... seen through it and moved on.

~~Monday, October 02, 2006~~

10/02/2006 01:59:00 PM

A very nice lawyer who has recently left the firm told me once over the lunch table that if she were to be given a chance to return to her childhood times, she wouldn’t study so hard as she had. She would still fulfill her duties as a student but not at the expense of sacrificing her play time. She would enjoy her childhood to the fullest because you won’t find childhood once it has ended.

Sigh. Why didn’t anyone tell me this earlier? Why didn’t I realize it when I was still a child.

I recalled a few lies the adults used to tell me when I refused to be obedient, be it in studies or behavior:-

- “If you don’t study hard, you will become a road sweeper or worst, a shit collector when you grow up.”

- “I will sell you to the rag-and-bone man”

- “Zhen Ye’s car is waiting downstairs. You choice: the school bus or Zhen Ye’s car.”
(PS: Zhen Ye was a villain in a Chinese drama series which I watched when I was attending kindergarten. The character scared me to bits to the fact that as a child, I actually believed in the existence of Zhen Ye.)

- “I will return you your Power Rangers pens if you do well for the finals.”
(PS: A lie told by my tuition teacher when I was in Primary 2. During that time, Power Rangers are my idol and my mom bought me a set of their pens, with their miniatures as the caps. I brought those pens to school as why the hell couldn’t I? They weren’t even toys in the first place – they are stationeries. My tuition teacher confiscated it and promised to return them on the condition that I must do well for the exams. In the midst of the examinations period, those pens were given to her nephews and nieces as ‘toys’ and when I saw them having fun with my “Power Rangers’, believe me, my heart just cracked That was the last time I saw these “Power Rangers”. Eventually, I did well for the exams. The promise was forgotten by its creator, but I can still remember.)

If only I knew it, I won’t have studied so hard during my childhood but well, in reality I didn’t study damn hard like I would die without books for a day.

To adults, don’t tell your kids to study hard. What is your definition of hard on a scale of 1 to 10?

Kids, you don’t ace by studying the hard way, but by the smart way.

... seen through it and moved on.