Poor taggy is sick again. And the doctor is doing nothing about it.

The previous template is a bugger in terms of speed so I decided to change it. Oh God, that took a few hours last night at the expense of doing my company law tutorial and revising for the mloct test tomorrow.

It has been hectic and vexing for the whole of this week (mostly). Nouns like places, people and other non-living things somehow ruined my once-pleasant mood so sometimes, you just gotta let it all out. It was a symptom of poor anger management but no one would care less being tackled like that. I don’t want to bring this up another time so no thanks, the answer will be a flat no if ever questioned again so don’t ever try that cause there is no possibility of getting anything.

Am glad most of my course mates have secured a place and God really shone the light for those determined ones. I thank Him for that.

In a group, I feel left out, like I never belong there. Perhaps I will never fit in there and foolishly enough, I carried on trying knowing I’m being nuisance. So you see, it is the pressure of seeking acceptance that kills people’s mind to look out for what they actually need.

I want to learn to ride a bicycle but I’m afraid of the mocks and teases. I want to confront people who judge but I am wary of that so-called ego within me. I want to cry but only the weaklings do that. I want to further my studies after graduation but my parents have no money to see me to that. I want to play a part to the resolution of this family crisis but I am uselessly unable to. I want to start working right now at this moment but I am disqualified for many jobs. Being the eldest is never easy.

When you see the girl smiling, she isn’t smiling at all if you notice carefully.

I told Mum about my plan after graduation, only to keep her worrying and feeling guilty about many things. I never blame her and am thankful for everything she have given. I was merely voicing out my thoughts and inspirations yet duh, I think I upset her. What an asshole dimwit Emilyn is. She doesn’t even think of the consequences before saying something.

It is time for me to control the ‘wants’ and take care of the ‘needs’. Example, you’d be a loser if your family is starving and there you are, enjoying a feast at an expensive restaurant.