Study week.

Sigh.

It’s so depressing. It is the week to revise and prepare for the (grand) exams. Playing and shutting off from books during this time is a guilty thing to do . But the sight of books makes my mind spin. I hate studying accounts. Feel like crying at the sight of numbers and calculations. With so many unhappy events, how can I concentrate?

Know what? To me, studying accounting is just like staring at a mysterious script. You need to stare, stare and stare for an extremely long time in order to be enlightened. So far, I’m ashamedly only 25% enlightened. I think a Buddha script is easier to understand.

Never have I feel so dull and bleak… It has never been like that since ages. Even those inspirational songs fail to motivate me… I tried listening to music that can cheer me up but still, I feel so detached... When I closed my eyes, its all sad images I see. When I’m awake, its those ‘frightening’ lecture notes that greeted me. Even the computer and my favorite stuffs cannot tempt me much.

Last time at the most I would be feeling grumpy. But to the extend of feeling hopeless, this is the first time in weeks its happening to me.

The ‘Incredibles’ VCD my father rented did brighten up my mood a little. I think the cartoon is very stress relieving as I couldn’t stop laughing. But what I need to stop myself from gloominess is something much more than that.

Sometimes I just feel there are tons of things which my small mind is unable to absorb but I must keep myself going.

I wish that God can give me not only the courage to move on. In addition, I hope he would give me the strength to cry… I need tears to let out my emotion… It’s a terrible feeling to feel no tears when you are cheerless.

This is indeed an endless race. I can’t see the finishing line. Neither can I return to the starting point, because I can’t see it either.