Instead of pursuing possessions, pursue peace, justice and love.
 Instead of buying things, build relationships.
 Instead of seeking more money, seek to minister to those around you.
 You won't believe the difference that kind of life will make.


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Wednesday, March 17, 2004
3/17/2004 09:02:00 AM


Was feeling rather moody and stressed up this week and my day started off pretty badly on Monday…. I realized that I finally couldn’t take it anymore and I burst into tears, lock myself up in the room and cried… there are just too many things to be done and I realized I dint have the time to complete all… I realized how demanding life is…

When I cried, I couldn’t stop my tears and I felt like such a loser… everyone is facing the same thing as me but how come they could take it so lightly? Or do they hide themselves and cry alone just like me? I was wondering if I could ever make it big in life coz I’ve learnt that life simply isn’t too easy… it takes lots of courage and endurance to pull through all obstacles… I come to know that I haven’t got much time left… such a loser I am… failed my tort law… can’t even do those things properly…. Useless me to be the only one who failed the test…

Sometimes I wondered when will I reach my limit… sometimes I felt so tired that I couldn’t concentrate on many things…. While I was teaching tuition, my y mind was so exhausted and worn out after a long day in skool tt I’ve got no idea what on earth was I teaching about…. I couldn’t even hold onto my pen properly… sometimes, I feel like giving up on a lot of things…. Its simply too tiring and its no different from a living hell…

Tml will be my OP and I doubt if I could ever make it a good one… nowadays, im just too tired that when I lie on my bed, I would be able to sleep instantly… so to the extent that I’m too tired for a prayer too…. I felt guilty but I realized that even if I pray, I won’t be able to make a sincere prayer due to my dead beat mind… I’ve a lot of things to tell God…to tell him how terrible I am feeling now and to tell him to take me somewhere far from here where my worries would all be gone… sometimes. I felt that even my family and frenz here doesn’t matters much anymore… not tt I no longer care for them.. I still love them but what can I do?

I realized that after all, I’m always putting up that cheeky face in front of them and bottling up all my feelings… the only way I could unbolt my feelings was through the bloggie… Manage to complete a story yesterday and I decided to give it a happy ending… I wondered if in life, God would ever give me a happy ending… I become conscious that things always didn’t turn out the way I want and I couldn’t reach the expectations of people… what I could do was to relate my perfect world in stories and fantasies… that was at least what I could do to feel better…



... seen through it and moved on.