... seen through it and moved on.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
3/14/2004 10:36:00 PM
Was feeling rather pissed off this week and I could sae that whatever I do just couldn’t get things rite… But luckily for this week, I manage to communicate well with my frenz and it seems tt im too sensitive tt I think too much liao… Simply too worn out at the mind… took two whole days to complete the MBS project and im glad tt at last, I’ve finish the whole crap… more lucky was tt my partner was a very easy going person thus, I felt reeli stress free while doing the project with her… it was like the deadline is cuming skool but we still can laugh and relax… tts what I like about it… wat for stress out urself when u can be happy??
I hope this week would be a better week for me and that my grp would be able to ‘survive’ through the oral presentation on Thur… things are simply kipping me too busy but yet, I have a fulfilling time cos I felt that I’ve completed quite some stuffs… Now, im ready for whatever challenge tts ahead of me althou im pretty scared at times…
Ah!! Gotta wake up at 5 plus tml to submit project… lesson start at 8... Hopefully I can wake up in time …
Oh man…. Just took a test and I cant believe im so childish coz my inner age is only 10 years old…. God…
My inner child is ten years old!
The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
... seen through it and moved on.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
3/09/2004 10:27:00 PM
Things seemed to get slightly better today…. At least, I can communicate better with my team mates but still, the stress is building up and there are so many things on deadline next week…. I’m trying very hard to hang on there as long as I could manage… I felt like crying to de-stress coz life now is simply too miserable.. But then, I realized that my tears are dry… I hope my negative behavior isn’t affecting those around me that’s why I need to put up with a happy front… I can’t possibly let them worry coz they have their own things to take care of too…
Sometimes, I tot of just ending it all and I would looked down from a building, wondering would it end my pain with a jump… then, I knock into my senses that I dun have the courage to make the first step… perhaps, I’m a coward but whenever I tot of how sad my mum would be, I did think that I would be no better than a coward if I were to end my life… I kip on reminding myself that this is just only a small test by God… if I couldn’t even handle this stress, how would I able to cope with more problems in the future??
Last but not least, if I couldn’t run away from all these problems, at least God, give me the strength to face this battle and nowadays, I dunno what the hell happened to me… I just have an encounter with this guy and till now, I can’t forget him… I wonder what’s wrong with me but this is totally disturbing me and I couldn’t concentrate on work properly… I hope this is just merely infatuation…
... seen through it and moved on.
Saturday, March 06, 2004
3/06/2004 07:07:00 PM
Right now, im feeling exceptionally tired… From yesterday morning 9am, I was out to skool, doing project and giving tuition, not even taking a break… when I reached home, the clock reads 9 plus and the sky was already dark… I felt so sleepy and worn out… sometime moody happened yesterday for my marketing project… I can see that Jolyne was the only one organizing the whole coordination of the group with the help of Jiun Guan… As my time table is totally different from them, I couldn’t do much but still, I’d try to contribute whatever task that was given to me.
The other 2 group members were slacking all the way, giving nothing but stress to us… when I received the bad news from Veron, I immediately rushed down from my Tort law project meeting to meet my marketing group… God gracious… only two were present… the other 2 went missing in action and I could see that Jolyne was very stress… I tried my best to help… only 3 out of the 5 were present for the meeting and things that can be accomplished were very limited. The 3 of us split work and went home to type a report…. We agreed for another meeting on Sat which is today…. God… just when I tot I could finally have a goody break and then, I need to make a trip to skool again…
Rushed through the typing of the report last nite and only slept around 2am…. Feeling nothing but pressure…. Woke up at 7 plus to get ready for tuiton and soon after that, went to meet my grp members at around noon…. We practically did everything until 4 plus… phew… finally I’m home now… I miss my bed lots but cant lie on it coz I confirm sleep wan…. Then later still got a report to complete… I felt so light and weak today… when I walk, its as if my legs would break and I can’t even write properly…
After tonight, I hope I could have a nice sleep till tml and hopefully, everything’s goanna turn well for me and my group members…. There just seems to be a communication breakdown among one of my project groups… I felt so useless… perhaps I’m really am… I was reminded by her to bring something for the meeting but that just totally slipped off my mind… human makes mistakes and unfortunately, I’m the one… I felt bad coz they had brought theirs to edit but I didn’t… she kept on blaming me… I knew she was only kidding but somehow, its already exceeding my limits and I felt that I’m really taking her blames and criticisms seriously… especially the part that she said I was useless… perhaps, I really was… I was at wits end of how to react so during the discussion yesterday, I simply kept quiet, I was too pissed off in mind to say anything… yes, I knew it was my fault but whenever I recalled her saying I’m useless, thoughts just couldn’t get into my mind… perhaps now, she had already forgotten…
Then, comes another problem from my another project group that I’ve to excuse myself from this discussion… I seemed to be giving people the impression that I’m slacking and not contributing… I offered to do something at home so that at least, I can be of ‘use’ in the group coz I knw tt in the grp, im the most inferior creature… but the response was ‘you want to do do lor’… as if they dun need my help…I hate myself for that and I’ve tried changing the fact but still, in life, things would always remain the same… whatever you say would always be considered as ‘nonsense’ or ‘rubbish’ in people’s mind. I really couldn’t take in that I nearly burst into tears last night… things just doesn’t seem rite for me… stress… who wun feel it?? But it’s gonna be worse when u’re stress and there’s no one by your side… no one understands you.. Just because I was absent from skool due to gastric on Thur, I was being book marked as ‘finding excuses to skip skool’… althou they might have kept quiet but I knw, they must be feeling that… she was like ‘every time dun cum skool then say got gastric lah’ again, I knew she was kidding but like what I say, her jokes had already exceed my tolerance… you think I love gastric problems?? You think I want that to happen?? I dun want rite?? But what can I do? How I wish I was born without a gastric…
Seriously, ever since I came TP, I had been missing my friends in lyss a lot… yes.. a lot… coz by hook by crook, still, they are the ones who understand me better and gives my encouragement when I need it a lot… but here, there’s actually no one I can seriously confide into… they can perhaps, very fun to be accompanied with. What I wanted now was for the time to pass quickly… life here has been torment for me… because of tt stupid ‘racist’ incident, I couldn’t get on with skool life properly althou im always putting up a happy face in front of everyone… I couldn’t possibly affect their mood because of me… People dun reeli know me… all they think was im that happy go lucky type but actually, I’m not… I just don’t let others see mi cry…
The only thing I could do was to pour out my thoughts and problems in blog… that’s the least I could do to feel better… nevertheless, I knew that I seriously need to get on ahead with life or else I will be missing out on a lot of fun things… Hopefully, God will see me through this ordeal and that I got promoted to Year 2 smoothly… its doesn’t matter if I’ve true frenz there but just let me survive till the day I got my diploma…
... seen through it and moved on.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
3/03/2004 12:00:00 AM
What a tired day I have today!! Was simply too tired… sigh… morning during that Econs lesson nearly slept.. Had a hard time trying to kip my heavy eyelids from shutting… the tutor was boring !! Argh!! Maybe I was tired also… dun have a good sleep last night… hee… tot of skipping skool today wan… sigh… My frenz oso all feeling very worn out… I still couldn’t get use to the skool reopen… maybe hols slack too long liao… tts why all of the sudden felt so tired…
Skipped MBS lecture during the late afternoon then go meet Celine… saw ChooPoh and QianRu oso… lol… and not to forget Joyce… Just now when I came back, I slept from 7 something and woke up at 10.30... Cool… sleep so long… but still feeling tired now…
Geezz… not gonna go skool tml!! I wanna slp at home… feeling very sick now… my frenz oso gonna ‘pong teng’ tml…
... seen through it and moved on.
