Instead of pursuing possessions, pursue peace, justice and love.
 Instead of buying things, build relationships.
 Instead of seeking more money, seek to minister to those around you.
 You won't believe the difference that kind of life will make.


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Wednesday, March 24, 2004
3/24/2004 04:57:00 PM


Blue Eyes


What Color Eyes Should You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

... seen through it and moved on.

Sunday, March 21, 2004
3/21/2004 03:58:00 PM


I realized that I couldn’t stop thinking of him… I don’t know why but I loathed this feeling cos I couldn’t concentrate in whatever I do… Life hasn’t been very good for me recently… hadn’t had a good sleep for a very long time… I am thinking of many stuffs… thinking of the people I missed… but do they know?

My heart felt so empty and inferior each time I recalled how useless I could get… I couldn’t relate my feelings to anyone… I could only keep them to myself… I realized that after all, I need a break away from all these… Life is like a long race with a never ending point… I am tired of the race and I want to give up… But I realized that if I give up, I would be stranded at the same point… It would be even more painful…

I want to meet up my frenz… I miss them lots… yet, skool is pulling me away from these.. Can’t they even give me a break on a Sunday?

Yes… I miss someone lots but guess he’ll never know… because my existence means nothing in his eyes…

... seen through it and moved on.

Thursday, March 18, 2004
3/18/2004 04:00:00 PM


Today was my OP presentation and man…. My group mates and I were so nervous….. Stayed till 10pm at skool yesterday to complete the last few slides of the presentation and in less than 10 hours time, I’m in skool again to rehearse for my OP…. cool… hardly slept last nite…. I think I did pretty badly for the presentation coz I dunno what I was saying and I felt so uncomfortable wearing formal clothes thou it makes me smart….

But since its over, I didn’t feel glad at all… maybe becoz I knew everything isn’t over yet… still got the marketing project to do and next week is my peer teaching… reach home at 10 plus last nite from skool and I can feel my mum getting worried for me… she was like ‘what is the skool doing?? Why are there so many projects? Dun you need to sleep?’…. come on… how I can go to bed in peace when there are so many things undone?? There are just too many unaccomplished tasks waiting for me that I couldn’t even make it for an outing with my frenz or have a good sleep…

Guess I will be busy like mad until end of April coz after all projects were handed up… it’ll be the exams time… Kaozz… today got one of the group got one girl, when its her group’s turn to present she just simply left the place, leaving the rest to ‘die’… where got people so irresponsible wan? Heard from my class mates that she is having psychological problems… yep…. Can still remember she broke down last two weeks and was absent from skool…. Find her very pitiful sometimes…

Then Darren was another blur guy in my group… today presenting like want to sleep like that… and think he got screwed up when he’s presenting… lol…then while its my turn to present, he controlled my slides and shit… he was so blur that he kept on getting the wrong point of slide… but nvm… can see that everyone in my group is so nervous including me…

Kns… Xuan suddenly say I look like a HongKong actress… I was like er hem… dunno how to react…. Kns… didn’t even tell me I look like which HK actress… lol… mi shot back say he look like Jay Chou coz this guy is a JieLun freak… everytime in class will imitate Jay Chou’s singing… come to think of it… its actually a compliment for him…. Geezz…

Overall… the week is coming to an end soon and I can say that this week isn’t a great one but yet. Can consider fulfilling coz I did many things…. Tml will be the MBS presentation and I hope everything goes rite for me… can afford to have any more setbacks now…. Sooner or later ’ll argh!!

... seen through it and moved on.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004
3/17/2004 09:02:00 AM


Was feeling rather moody and stressed up this week and my day started off pretty badly on Monday…. I realized that I finally couldn’t take it anymore and I burst into tears, lock myself up in the room and cried… there are just too many things to be done and I realized I dint have the time to complete all… I realized how demanding life is…

When I cried, I couldn’t stop my tears and I felt like such a loser… everyone is facing the same thing as me but how come they could take it so lightly? Or do they hide themselves and cry alone just like me? I was wondering if I could ever make it big in life coz I’ve learnt that life simply isn’t too easy… it takes lots of courage and endurance to pull through all obstacles… I come to know that I haven’t got much time left… such a loser I am… failed my tort law… can’t even do those things properly…. Useless me to be the only one who failed the test…

Sometimes I wondered when will I reach my limit… sometimes I felt so tired that I couldn’t concentrate on many things…. While I was teaching tuition, my y mind was so exhausted and worn out after a long day in skool tt I’ve got no idea what on earth was I teaching about…. I couldn’t even hold onto my pen properly… sometimes, I feel like giving up on a lot of things…. Its simply too tiring and its no different from a living hell…

Tml will be my OP and I doubt if I could ever make it a good one… nowadays, im just too tired that when I lie on my bed, I would be able to sleep instantly… so to the extent that I’m too tired for a prayer too…. I felt guilty but I realized that even if I pray, I won’t be able to make a sincere prayer due to my dead beat mind… I’ve a lot of things to tell God…to tell him how terrible I am feeling now and to tell him to take me somewhere far from here where my worries would all be gone… sometimes. I felt that even my family and frenz here doesn’t matters much anymore… not tt I no longer care for them.. I still love them but what can I do?

I realized that after all, I’m always putting up that cheeky face in front of them and bottling up all my feelings… the only way I could unbolt my feelings was through the bloggie… Manage to complete a story yesterday and I decided to give it a happy ending… I wondered if in life, God would ever give me a happy ending… I become conscious that things always didn’t turn out the way I want and I couldn’t reach the expectations of people… what I could do was to relate my perfect world in stories and fantasies… that was at least what I could do to feel better…



... seen through it and moved on.

Sunday, March 14, 2004
3/14/2004 10:36:00 PM


Was feeling rather pissed off this week and I could sae that whatever I do just couldn’t get things rite… But luckily for this week, I manage to communicate well with my frenz and it seems tt im too sensitive tt I think too much liao… Simply too worn out at the mind… took two whole days to complete the MBS project and im glad tt at last, I’ve finish the whole crap… more lucky was tt my partner was a very easy going person thus, I felt reeli stress free while doing the project with her… it was like the deadline is cuming skool but we still can laugh and relax… tts what I like about it… wat for stress out urself when u can be happy??

I hope this week would be a better week for me and that my grp would be able to ‘survive’ through the oral presentation on Thur… things are simply kipping me too busy but yet, I have a fulfilling time cos I felt that I’ve completed quite some stuffs… Now, im ready for whatever challenge tts ahead of me althou im pretty scared at times…

Ah!! Gotta wake up at 5 plus tml to submit project… lesson start at 8... Hopefully I can wake up in time …

Oh man…. Just took a test and I cant believe im so childish coz my inner age is only 10 years old…. God…


My inner child is ten years old today

My inner child is ten years old!


The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

... seen through it and moved on.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004
3/09/2004 10:27:00 PM



Things seemed to get slightly better today…. At least, I can communicate better with my team mates but still, the stress is building up and there are so many things on deadline next week…. I’m trying very hard to hang on there as long as I could manage… I felt like crying to de-stress coz life now is simply too miserable.. But then, I realized that my tears are dry… I hope my negative behavior isn’t affecting those around me that’s why I need to put up with a happy front… I can’t possibly let them worry coz they have their own things to take care of too…

Sometimes, I tot of just ending it all and I would looked down from a building, wondering would it end my pain with a jump… then, I knock into my senses that I dun have the courage to make the first step… perhaps, I’m a coward but whenever I tot of how sad my mum would be, I did think that I would be no better than a coward if I were to end my life… I kip on reminding myself that this is just only a small test by God… if I couldn’t even handle this stress, how would I able to cope with more problems in the future??

Last but not least, if I couldn’t run away from all these problems, at least God, give me the strength to face this battle and nowadays, I dunno what the hell happened to me… I just have an encounter with this guy and till now, I can’t forget him… I wonder what’s wrong with me but this is totally disturbing me and I couldn’t concentrate on work properly… I hope this is just merely infatuation…

... seen through it and moved on.

Saturday, March 06, 2004
3/06/2004 07:07:00 PM


Right now, im feeling exceptionally tired… From yesterday morning 9am, I was out to skool, doing project and giving tuition, not even taking a break… when I reached home, the clock reads 9 plus and the sky was already dark… I felt so sleepy and worn out… sometime moody happened yesterday for my marketing project… I can see that Jolyne was the only one organizing the whole coordination of the group with the help of Jiun Guan… As my time table is totally different from them, I couldn’t do much but still, I’d try to contribute whatever task that was given to me.

The other 2 group members were slacking all the way, giving nothing but stress to us… when I received the bad news from Veron, I immediately rushed down from my Tort law project meeting to meet my marketing group… God gracious… only two were present… the other 2 went missing in action and I could see that Jolyne was very stress… I tried my best to help… only 3 out of the 5 were present for the meeting and things that can be accomplished were very limited. The 3 of us split work and went home to type a report…. We agreed for another meeting on Sat which is today…. God… just when I tot I could finally have a goody break and then, I need to make a trip to skool again…

Rushed through the typing of the report last nite and only slept around 2am…. Feeling nothing but pressure…. Woke up at 7 plus to get ready for tuiton and soon after that, went to meet my grp members at around noon…. We practically did everything until 4 plus… phew… finally I’m home now… I miss my bed lots but cant lie on it coz I confirm sleep wan…. Then later still got a report to complete… I felt so light and weak today… when I walk, its as if my legs would break and I can’t even write properly…

After tonight, I hope I could have a nice sleep till tml and hopefully, everything’s goanna turn well for me and my group members…. There just seems to be a communication breakdown among one of my project groups… I felt so useless… perhaps I’m really am… I was reminded by her to bring something for the meeting but that just totally slipped off my mind… human makes mistakes and unfortunately, I’m the one… I felt bad coz they had brought theirs to edit but I didn’t… she kept on blaming me… I knew she was only kidding but somehow, its already exceeding my limits and I felt that I’m really taking her blames and criticisms seriously… especially the part that she said I was useless… perhaps, I really was… I was at wits end of how to react so during the discussion yesterday, I simply kept quiet, I was too pissed off in mind to say anything… yes, I knew it was my fault but whenever I recalled her saying I’m useless, thoughts just couldn’t get into my mind… perhaps now, she had already forgotten…

Then, comes another problem from my another project group that I’ve to excuse myself from this discussion… I seemed to be giving people the impression that I’m slacking and not contributing… I offered to do something at home so that at least, I can be of ‘use’ in the group coz I knw tt in the grp, im the most inferior creature… but the response was ‘you want to do do lor’… as if they dun need my help…I hate myself for that and I’ve tried changing the fact but still, in life, things would always remain the same… whatever you say would always be considered as ‘nonsense’ or ‘rubbish’ in people’s mind. I really couldn’t take in that I nearly burst into tears last night… things just doesn’t seem rite for me… stress… who wun feel it?? But it’s gonna be worse when u’re stress and there’s no one by your side… no one understands you.. Just because I was absent from skool due to gastric on Thur, I was being book marked as ‘finding excuses to skip skool’… althou they might have kept quiet but I knw, they must be feeling that… she was like ‘every time dun cum skool then say got gastric lah’ again, I knew she was kidding but like what I say, her jokes had already exceed my tolerance… you think I love gastric problems?? You think I want that to happen?? I dun want rite?? But what can I do? How I wish I was born without a gastric…

Seriously, ever since I came TP, I had been missing my friends in lyss a lot… yes.. a lot… coz by hook by crook, still, they are the ones who understand me better and gives my encouragement when I need it a lot… but here, there’s actually no one I can seriously confide into… they can perhaps, very fun to be accompanied with. What I wanted now was for the time to pass quickly… life here has been torment for me… because of tt stupid ‘racist’ incident, I couldn’t get on with skool life properly althou im always putting up a happy face in front of everyone… I couldn’t possibly affect their mood because of me… People dun reeli know me… all they think was im that happy go lucky type but actually, I’m not… I just don’t let others see mi cry…

The only thing I could do was to pour out my thoughts and problems in blog… that’s the least I could do to feel better… nevertheless, I knew that I seriously need to get on ahead with life or else I will be missing out on a lot of fun things… Hopefully, God will see me through this ordeal and that I got promoted to Year 2 smoothly… its doesn’t matter if I’ve true frenz there but just let me survive till the day I got my diploma…

... seen through it and moved on.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004
3/03/2004 12:00:00 AM


What a tired day I have today!! Was simply too tired… sigh… morning during that Econs lesson nearly slept.. Had a hard time trying to kip my heavy eyelids from shutting… the tutor was boring !! Argh!! Maybe I was tired also… dun have a good sleep last night… hee… tot of skipping skool today wan… sigh… My frenz oso all feeling very worn out… I still couldn’t get use to the skool reopen… maybe hols slack too long liao… tts why all of the sudden felt so tired…

Skipped MBS lecture during the late afternoon then go meet Celine… saw ChooPoh and QianRu oso… lol… and not to forget Joyce… Just now when I came back, I slept from 7 something and woke up at 10.30... Cool… sleep so long… but still feeling tired now…

Geezz… not gonna go skool tml!! I wanna slp at home… feeling very sick now… my frenz oso gonna ‘pong teng’ tml…

... seen through it and moved on.